One of the characteristics of patriarchy is that men in power (not only political) do not listen to what women have to say. That's why we decided to ask a few guys to give voice to our message and reach with it beyond our usual audience.
From the moment the trailer for this clip was published, many people who can become pregnant have been saying in the comments that they don't care what men have to say about abortion . We won't lie, we read those comments with some joy and satisfaction, because we have been saying the same since forever: we believe that only a pregnant person has the right to decide on whether to carry or end the pregnancy, and every argument behind their decision is important - because they're important.
Abortion? What will your husband say?!
Two lines on the pregnancy test can surprise you. People in relationships, when deciding about the birth and upbringing of a child, often also have to think about their long-term plans for the future. These include big relationship decisions - such as living together, changing jobs, sharing responsibilities. In all this, it is important that the pregnant person feels that they are not being treated as an incubator. As the decision about the future of the pregnancy is only theirs to make, it is also up to them to choose whether or not they want to invite someone to talk about their pregnancy. We, too, would prefer it if we didn't get so many people who take pills in secret and under stress, asking how to hide a miscarriage from a partner or parents.
Forcing a pregnancy is abuse
The world can be cruel and many people have the misfortune of living with abusive partners - as Ania and Justyna were. You can find out more about their stories in our campaign I am Justyna. Talking about your views on abortion before deciding to get into a relationship shouldn’t surprise anyone, and we know that more and more people ask about that on the very first date, just to be safe.
The objection of potential partners to abortion on demand is not just an opinion: it’s a very real danger. Such a man becomes a threat and another obstacle in access to abortion - right next to unfavorable law, incompetent health care workers, „conscience clause”, the need to seek help abroad, and the ubiquitous taboo through which we cannot directly ask someone to look after our child or ask to be off work due to the need to have an abortion. The men who took part in the film are supposed to be their opposite: they support, listen, help.
Every day, Abortion Without Borders is contacted by people who, out of fear, try to hide their unwanted pregnancies and abortions. I experienced myself what that’s like: to be with a man who denied me the right to decide. He controlled me and I had to have an abortion in secret. Now I’m brought before court because the husband of the woman whom I helped in accessing abortion pills reported her and me to the police. I think it’s important for men to see that another way is possible, that instead of controlling, they can be supportive.
said Justyna Wydrzyńska
The women who made it - the case of Justyna and Ania
We publish this clip 9 days before the second hearing of Justyna Wydrzyńska. Justyna, accused of aiding in abortion, sent her set of abortion pill to a women she didn't know: Ania, who was in a relationship with an abusive partner. Ania's decision to have an abortion wasn't hard to make - it was the circumstances that made it difficult. Her trip to the German clinic failed, because Ania's husband threatened that if she left with their three-year-old child, he would report her for parental abduction. Due to the onset of the pandemic and the paralyzed postal service, no one knew how long it would take for the set of pills ordered from Women Help Women to arrive. Looking for help on the Internet, Ania found Abortion Without Borders. She asked for support, described her difficult situation: how her husband checks her messages, reads e-mails, and checks web browser histories. That's how Justyna, who works in AWB, heard about Ania's story. She empathized with Ania: a few years back she was in exactly the same situation.
Justyna decided to help Ania no matter what. "Where there's a will, there's a way" - she thought to herself, and sent Ania a set of abortion pills that she kept in her house. They got busted, and Ania's house was raided by the police - all because of the abusive partner, who decided to call the cops.
Abortion Dream Team supports the survivors and victims of domestic abuse
This is not an unusual case. From time to time - unfortunately not infrequently - we get messages from people who have to hide their abortions from their husbands, partners and boyfriends.
Over the past few years, we've heard and read many times that he flushed the pills down the toilet, threw them out, snuck them out of the house or even swallowed them himself. We've advised many women on how to have an abortion in a way that he wouldn't be able to know.We've heard many times that he controls the money, that he has a spreadsheet with all of their expenses, that there's no chance of buying a set of abortion pills because he will for sure find out. We've heard that he once helped in getting an abortion, and now is trying to scare and blackmail his partner - anything to make her stay. As ADT we've dismissed all men that wrote to us expecting details and information about their partners abortions (don't worry - we would never answer their requests, even if they tried to threaten us).
Our only advice: leave him!
The situations described above are examples of various types of violence: mental, physical, economic, resulting from the division of roles in accordance with gender stereotypes. The quotes in the clip are all true and come from the comments on our posts. Although they are disgusting, they perfectly reflect the conditions in which women in Poland have to perform abortions. We hope that having them read aloud by several men - and having them be heard by the rest of them - will highlight the problem. We won't try to do it ourselves, because we know that men would sooner listen to a talking willow than to us. This state of affairs also needs to be changed - obviously - but we abortionists do not have that kind of time. We need safe, free and accessible abortion, we need to have our right to decide supported - and we need it now!
The next hearing of Justyna Wydrzyńska will take place on 14 of July, 9:30am in the Warszawa-Praga district court. The solidarity demonstration starts at 9:00am.
